New blog. Well i realised that i should stop second guessing myself. Like i did just now. And continue to do so/ Oh dear my grammar has been mudered. Tom Ballard is a fail comedian, lacks the imagination has one of a hell... he's only as imaginative as me. He is observative ill give him that lacks fun, imagaination and blah. Its sad because he tries so hard. Alex Dyson if he put is mind to it could floor Tom Ballard who frequently belittles the guy, treats him like a dumb seal. Tom Ballard is a conservative gay, an Abott Fangirl, totally ashamed of his sexuality. Another reason why he wouldn't make a good stand up comic, is that he refuses to bare all. Yeah i know that everybody is different shouldn't paint gays with the same brush whatever, but he just comes off insecure in a very predictable conservative way which is a shame because he's an excellent public speaker, is intellegent, a geniunly nice guy but he's not cut out for standup comedy or radio. He should of just gone to uni and studied llb like abottt and yeah. TOm ballard is clearly out of his depth. And look at me hypocrite, i am really the one thats out of my depth. but so is tom but he will get better he just has to open up a bit you know to himself and to the rest of us, because comedy is not about lies its about honesty arrgh barf alert. Oh i am so predictable my grammar has been mudered indeed i shall wrap this up quickly. Tom ballard fail comedian, radio host, gun lawyer, doctor. etc...

my writing has got better, i swear. this post does not do justice to my abilities i swear i can write better now i don't second guess myself anymore. i am more true to myself than ever. and im writing this post to prove it to myself and myself. my writing has improved. i am a good writer, i swear i just need to practice to shake off the rust, i swear i am gleaming inside, i swear i am made of hard stuff, just need to look beyond my cliched storylines, incomprehensible syntax, and poor word choice. i am asian but i am also creative i hope so, i am not a bob li even though i try to be. Bob li is an awesome person. the asian superman, or supermonkey. wish i could be as half as delusional as bob li, bob li is awesome because he has enough self eesteem to fill a pool, and has no understanding of reality as we see it. once bob li decides he is good enough he will shamelessly attempt at it, even though it may seem embaressing on the outside. bob li is embaressement teflon. he will get far in life, because he is shameless. wish i could be as shameless as bob li. socially inept as bob li, although here's not a social butterfly, but at least i am aware that i am aware i think so giving myself too much credit,. I am on a roll, a muffin roll, a tumbleturn, a nose burn. an apple seed. imagery is cheap, insight is cheaper. imagination is deep. wish i was imaginitive than i could be a writer and write books for a living. wish i was an artist, but NO. i wish i was an islander boy who plays footy because they have the best lives, five hundred k for ninety minutes of "work" a week. man, wish i was talented. wish i was a savant. wish i had aspergers only the good bits. wish i could construct correct sentences. wish i never met abisht gupta, wish sravan was my friend. wish i went to shroe. wish i was white. wish i could act. wish i could i could i ould. i ould to write but scared and lazy.

i am scared that i will write badly, than it will all end badly. its almost guaranteed.